Bidet, anyone? or Timing is everything!

What is this remark regarding my personal hygiene, you might be asking yourself. I'll get back to that. More relevant topics today include first songs, toasts and timing!

Having your song played as your first dance together as a married couple: romantic. Having your song played by your live band just for you: especially romantic. Having your song played by your live band accompanying a member of your immediate family singing your song to you: priceless!

Of course this goes without saying, this particular family member (or close friend for that matter) should have some ability to successfully interpret your song in this context (ie: they should be able to play and/or sing), otherwise you have a potential disaster. This is why when successfully executed this can be a priceless moment.

Toasts. These can take so many shapes. Comical, heartfelt, matter-of-factly, or just plain long winded, dry and boring. There is also totally inappropriate and any combination of the latter. You know who needs to toast, usually one or more parents, close family members, and usually close friends (best man or maid of honor).

If you can, identify who needs to make a speech and for the rest try to weed out whomever might make one of those inappropriate speeches, but at the very least, have someone play editor with the speeches and line out the inappropriate or strike all together. Lastly, let them down easy ("we are just short on time", or "the venue only allows X number of speeches"), do what you can.

Timing can mean everything. Well, not everything, but it can definitely rip the mojo out of your momentum. Specifically I speak of those members of your party who were not invited to make a speech and once given a little alcohol are sure the lack of an invite was an oversight. How do you keep these people at bay? You can start by informing anyone and everyone in charge of a microphone that no one other than those who have already been authorized to use a mic be allowed to use a mic.

What does this have to do with timing? There is the obvious amount of time this person will be taking up, delaying your planned schedule, but what about when they do it? For example, say...you've made it through all your planned speeches without a hitch, dinner was fantastic, cake was delish. People are beat but excited to get up and burn it off to the fantabulous band you've booked, and the music starts! Everyone gets out and boogies. The momentum has now reached a high point and...."excuse me, excuse me, I just want to say a few words..."

Oh yes, it happens! And now it's happening to you. Sure it's old uncle so-and-so who you owe something or other and maybe he does deserve a moment? Well, that's up to you to decide, but remember there's a reason you didn't have him making a planned speech. Too late now. The momentum has fizzled, the speech is heartfelt but long winded and dry, perhaps even a little mumbled at this point. Heck you can't even hear half of what he's saying because he's holding the mic by his belt and/or waving it around.

I don't think I need to keep drawing this picture for you, you know where it goes for your family and friends. Often it's an evening killer for many, or maybe just an excuse to cut out. Either way, avoidable and unnecessary. Try not to let it happen to you.

Oh, I almost forgot... the bidet you ask? This venue had them standard, and let's just say a little bidet never hurt anyone...or did it?